Lady In Waiting

Lady In Waiting - Developing Your Love Relationships

Debbie Jones & Jackie Kendall

Buku ini udah lama direccommend sama temenku saat masih kuliah, udah dikasi pdf nya juga, tapi belum sempet baca sampe beres, dia sempet resend juga pas tahun awal kerja si pdf ini karena gue gagal menemukan filenya, tapi lagi-lagi belum bisa selesaiin

Dan akhirnya cici mentor di kantor memberikan bukunya untuk gue baca.. oke mari kita summary-kan highlights yang kudapat yah gais.. semoga kita nemuin dan adopt banyak pembelajaran berharga 🙏

Preface

Lady in waiting bukan tentang status single tapi kondisi hati (single, married, divorced, or widowed), kadang kita pikir kerinduan terdalam hati kita bisa terpuaskan dengan berpasangan, married, hingga memiliki anak, tapi sebenernya hal-hal itu ga bisa sepenuhnya memuaskan kita. Hanya the ultimate bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

"Anything other than a love relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, regardless of how good that thing may be, will bring you discouragement and disillusionment."

Dikatakan buku ini bukan tentang finding the right man, but being the right woman. Lebih berfokus ke 10 kualitas godly woman yang didapat dari Kitab Rut.

"She recklessly abandons herself to the Lordship of Christ, diligently uses her single days, trusts God

with unwavering faith, demonstrates virtue in daily life, loves God with undistracted devotion, stands for physical and emotional purity, lives in security, responds to life with contentment, makes choices based on her convictions, and waits patiently for God to meet her needs."

Chapter 1 Lady of Reckless Abandonment

• One day, when Jesus was eating in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came in and broke an alabaster box and poured the valuable ointment on Jesus’ head (see Mk. 14:3-9). The passage in Luke 7 that refers to this event harshly describes the woman as “a woman in the city who was a sinner” (Lk. 7:37). This woman found Jesus worthy of such sacrifice and honor. In fact, Jesus memorialized her gesture in Matthew 26:13 (see also Mk. 14:9). This gesture had such meaning, for not only did she anoint Jesus for burial, she also gave her all to a heavenly Bridgegroom. Yes, she was a sinner (who isn’t according to Romans 3:23?), but this sinner had dreams and wisely broke her alabaster box in the presence of the only One who can make a woman’s dreams come true.
• How do you know if you have broken your alabaster box at the feet of Jesus? Such a decision will be reflected in reckless abandonment to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. When the Lord gives you a difficult assignment, such as another dateless month, you receive His terms without resentment. Your attitude will reflect Mary’s response to the angel when she, as a single woman, was given a most difficult assignment. Mary said, “I belong to the Lord, body and soul…let it happen as you say…” (Lk. 1:38 Phillips). Take your alabaster box, with your body, soul, and dreams, and entrust them to Jesus. When He is your Lord, you can joyfully walk in the path of life that He has for you.
• In the Book of Ruth, a young widow made a critical decision to turn her back on her people, her country, and her gods because her thirsty soul had tasted of the God of Israel. With just a “taste,” she recklessly abandoned herself to the only true God. She willingly broke her alabaster box and followed the Lord wherever He would lead her. But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16).
• When Ruth told Naomi, “your people shall be my people,” she understood that she would not be able to grow closer to the God of Israel if she remained among the Moabites (her own people). Ironically, God called Moab His washbasin (see Ps. 60:8; 108:9). One rinses dirt off in a washbasin. Ruth chose to leave the washbasin and head for Bethlehem, which means the “house of bread.”
• Even today there exist “Moabites” who will undermine your growth if you spend too much time with them. Sometimes mediocre Christians resist the zeal and commitment of a dedicated single woman. Realizing that one’s friends drive you either toward or away from God, you may need to find a “new people” who will encourage your growth and not hinder it. “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (Prov. 13:20 NIV).
• Often the choice for deeper commitment produces resentment from people who were once “such good friends.” Do not be alarmed; you are in good company. When the woman broke the alabaster box and poured it on Jesus, the disciples did not applaud her act of worship. Instead, with indignation they responded, “Why this waste?” (Mt. 26:8 NIV) The disciples of Jesus were filled with indignation because the woman obviously wasted the ointment. But from a heavenly perspective, the great cloud of witnesses rejoiced as they beheld the woman giving such honor to Jesus. The broken alabaster box publicly evidenced the woman’s reckless abandonment to Jesus.
• But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16).
• Take a moment to think about the spiritual depth of the girlfriend who influences you the most. Is she daily becoming all that Jesus desires? If so, her growth will challenge you to grow. On the other hand, her apathy may ultimately be contagious. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’ ” (1 Cor. 15:33).Have any of your friendships caused your spiritual life to go into a deep freeze?
• Maybe you, like Ruth, need to distance yourself from those who, spiritually speaking, are more like a washbasin than a house of bread. The friends who influence you the most should be women who live by Hebrews 10:24 (NIV): “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Your best friends should be cheering you on in your commitment to Jesus.
• Ruth moved from a false religion into the only true and eternal relationship. Too many women have been involved in a form of religious worship, but have never had a vital, growing relationship with Jesus. Has your religious experience been like Isaiah 29:13b (NIV)? “…Their worship of Me is made up only of rules taught by men.” Has your faith been a lifeless ritual rather than a vital love relationship with Jesus? Why not spend some of your free hours as a single woman beginning a journey away from rituals into a deep relationship with Jesus Christ?
• Ruth’s choice was costly, but the return on this high price far outweighed her investment. Matthew 19:29 (NIV) says, “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for My sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” Ruth made the choice to turn her back on all that was familiar and begin a whole new life. Her “hundred times as much” was a godly husband, a son who would be the grandfather of King David, and inclusion in the lineage of Jesus Christ. She turned her back on all that was familiar and God rewarded Ruth’s critical choice.
• Another costly aspect of Ruth’s choice was the time frame in Israel’s history. It was the age of the judges, a period of time described as “do your own thing”; “Everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judg. 21:25b). Ruth chose not only to break her family cycle, but also to challenge the life style that many in Israel embraced. She wanted God’s will, not hers; His blueprints, not her elementary scribbling; God’s assignment, not her foolish plans.
• Often a woman will attempt to find delight in a career if Mr. Right has not arrived. In time, even her “great career” will prove to be less than satisfying. A career, a marriage, or even motherhood is not enough to totally satisfy you by itself. God knows that you will never be complete until you really understand that you are complete in Jesus. Colossians 2:9-10 says, “For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the had over all rule and authority.” When a single woman enters a career or even marriage without understanding that she is complete in Christ, she will be disillusioned and dissatisfied.
• Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus. Only the process of reckless abandonment to Jesus does any woman ever finally understand that, in Him, she is complete. When two “incomplete” singles get married, their union will not make them complete. Their marriage will be simply two “incomplete” people trying to find completeness in one another. Only when they understand that their fullness is found in a relationship with Jesus will they ever begin to complement one another. They can never complete one another. You were not created to complete another, but to complement. Completion is Jesus’ responsibility and complementing is a woman’s privilege. A woman not complete in Jesus will be a drain on her husband. Such a woman will expect her husband to fill the gap that only Jesus can fill. Only the single woman who understands this means of being complete in Jesus is mature enough to be a helpmeet (complement). “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ…” (Col. 2:9-10 NIV). Are you feeling full yet? Ask the Lord right now to begin this process of revealing to your heart the reality of your fullness in Him. “But it is good for me to draw near to God…” (Ps. 73:28a KJV).
• In her book Loneliness, Elisabeth Elliot states, “Marriage teaches us that even the most intimate human companionship cannot satisfy the deepest places of the heart. Our hearts are lonely ’til they rest in Him.”
• In the Song of Solomon, the Shulammite was so committed to the one she loved that other women wanted to meet him. They were anxious to go with her to seek for him. “Where has your lover gone, most beautiful of women? Which way did your lover turn, that we may look for him with you?” (Song 6:1 NIV) Who was this one so worthy of such reckless aban­donment? Does your commitment to Jesus cause those around you to seri­ously consider whether Jesus is Lord of their lives? Or does your “token” relationship leave you and others still thirsty?

Chapter 2 Lady of Diligence

• The perfect time to make the most of every opportunity is while you are single. Every believer should use time wisely, as Ephesians 5:15-17 (NIV) says: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
• John Fischer wrote this: “God has called me to live now. He wants me to realize my full potential as a man right now, to be thankful about where I am, and to enjoy it to the fullest. I have a strange feeling that the single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again! He will ask himself, ‘Why didn’t I use that time for the Lord when I didn’t have so many other obligations? Why didn’t I give myself totally to Him when I was single?’
• Understanding God’s promised provision for widows, Naomi sent Ruth to gather grain in the field of a kinsman. Ruth was willing to use her life working diligently at whatever her Lord called her to do. She would not be paralyzed by her lack of a husband. “And Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, ‘Please let me go to the field and glean among the ears of grain after one in whose sight I may find favor.’ And she said to her, ‘Go, my daughter’ ” (Ruth 2:2). She also did not allow the fact that she was a stranger from Moab to cause her to fear while she was gleaning in a strange field. Ruth was the “new girl in town,” an obvious newcomer, but she was not afraid to walk into a totally unfamiliar situation. Countless single women stay home rather than travel alone into the unknown. They not only miss out on being encouraged by others, but also are not exposed to new relationships when they remain at home tied up by cords of fear and feeling sorry for themselves. “And Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, ‘Please let me go to the field and glean among the ears of grain after one in whose sight I may find favor.’ And she said to her, ‘Go, my daughter’ ” (Ruth 2:2).
• Ruth came to the God of Israel after years of living in darkness, but He gladly received her service even though she was a Moabite foreigner. She bound herself to the service of the Lord, interweaving her service with Him like the braiding of a heavy rope. Isaiah 56:6-7 (NIV) refers to a foreigner binding himself (or herself) to the Lord and Him willingly receiving their “diligent” service: “And foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord to serve Him…these I will bring to My holy mountain….”
• Sitting in a restaurant across from a beautiful blonde, as the woman’s personal story began to unfold, the listener was somewhat overwhelmed. Here was a very attractive woman who had put her life with Jesus on hold after her world fell apart. She had been married for a few years, and trying to conceive a child, when she heard her single best friend was pregnant. What irony: her unmarried friend was with child and she remained childless. The irony turned into a trauma when this married woman found out that the father was her own husband. Can you imagine the devastation caused in this beautiful young woman’s heart? Have you experienced such a crushing emotional blow? The stunned listener began to cry out for wisdom concerning this tragedy. Jesus reminded the listener that God is not intimidated by trauma. In fact, Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This brokenhearted woman had put her life on hold after her husband divorced her. Such a response is understandable, but that day in the restaurant this now single woman decided to take her broken heart, her empty arms, and her loneliness and give them to Jesus. In exchange, Jesus taught her how to resist feeling sorry for herself and how to stop living in the arena of bitterness. After she made the choice of recklessly abandoning herself to Jesus as Lord, she was free to serve Him. This once brokenhearted single woman has been transformed into a fearless servant of the Lord. In fact, she became a missionary to Quito, Ecuador. John 10:10, in which He said He came so we might have a more abundant life. Do you believe that the abundant life is only for the married woman? Do you think that a woman with a husband, two children, a nice home, and two insurance policies is more satisfied with life than you are? Life is satisfying only when you diligently serve the Lord, whatever your circumstances.
• Undistracted and unrelenting describe different facets of the word diligence. The Lady of Diligence embodies these terms. A verse that describes her attitude toward ministry and service is First Corinthians 15:58 (NIV): “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” Do these terms describe your attitude and approach to using your free time for Jesus? Let’s examine how diligence affects every aspect of your service and ministry for the Lord.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Teaching
• Have you been diligently pursuing truth for years, but not giving out as much as you have taken in? Are you involved in a regular Bible study where you give, maybe even teach? Almost as dangerous as neglecting the Word is the habit of taking it in but not putting it into practice. “Impression without expression can lead to depression.” Do you keep attending church, Sunday school, Bible studies, seminars, and retreats—taking yet never giving? Take advantage of this time in your life when you can be involved in teaching without so many encumbrances. Maybe you’ve considered leading a discipleship group. Hesitate no more; go for it! There is no time in your life more perfect than now. Maybe you have toyed with the idea of teaching a Bible study. Do not delay. The future may hold more distractions that would continue to keep you from your goal.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Encouragement
• How many times a week do you find yourself in a position where someone has shared a need with you and you want so much to respond with wisdom and grace? Isaiah 50:4 (NIV) says, “The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.” Do you have a hard time responding to such an early morning wake-up call? Rising early to develop the tongue of a disciple will open a door of ministry to those who are weary, whether they are at work, at church, or even at the grocery store. Your very words will be a ministry of healing and encouragement. “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (Prov. 15:4 NIV). Such predawn training will give you the privilege of becoming God’s garden hose in a land of many thirsty people.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Prayer
• “A prayer partnership serves as one of the greatest assets for accomplishing the deepest and highest work of the human spirit: prayer.” Praying regularly with someone (or a small group) is such a vital part of your service to God. To intercede on behalf of someone else’s need is a privilege. When you intercede with a partner, the “duet” of harmony before God can change your world. Matthew 18:19 (NIV) describes this harmonious duet: “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven.” That little verb agree refers to harmony. Do you have someone with whom you can prayerfully approach God in harmony? Rather than searching for a life-partner, look for a prayer partner. Together you can participate in God-given prayer projects. Together you can discover how you can take your concerns for others and turn them into prayer projects.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Service
• It is doubtful that there could ever be a better time to serve Jesus than this “moment” of singleness. Rather than wasting precious moments fantasizing about an earthly lover, take advantage of your free hours each day to serve the Lord of Heaven. If you are frustrated and distracted, rather than fruitfully serving Jesus, then ask Him right now to adjust your vision.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Writing
• This ministry requires pen, paper, and a willing heart. Much of the New Testament was originally written as letters to believers. An encouraging letter or postcard can be read and re-read. So often a person will think about writing someone a letter, but the thought never becomes action. You may ignore the inward suggestion because of a busy schedule or a resistance to writing. A personal note, though serves as oxygen to the soul of the recipient. “He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (Prov. 11:25b NIV).
• Diligence and the Ministry of Listening
• It may take a gentle touch to minister to the spirit. It also may require just being with the person, whether standing for hours in a hospital hallway or sitting by a sickbed. Sometimes even the greatest songs or truths are not the appropriate thing during a crisis. “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart” (Prov. 25:20 NIV). This ministry requires not seminary training, but a loving, listening heart.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Hospitality
• The ministry of hospitality is not producing a demo for the Parade of Homes or a feast featuring Julia Child. Simply cooking for others is a significant ministry, especially during illness or bereavement. Casseroles and cakes can be such a blessing to a new mother, an elderly neighbor, or someone emotionally devastated by a death in the family. What a way to share the love of Christ with someone who needs to see Christianity in action.
• Diligence and the Ministry of Helps
• This ministry requires time, but it is invaluable. Helping others with the “dailies” of life is a gift that breaks their exhausting monotony. Helping a friend get her apartment ready for special guests, or helping her move into a new place, leaves the recipient grateful. Mere physical labor may seem so insignificant in comparison to church visitation, but the Word of God speaks clearly to such a misconception. “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). Maybe a friend needs a ride to the airport during rush hour, or maybe she needs her oven cleaned, or even her laundry done. These duties can all be done unto the Lord. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Col. 3:23 NIV).
• For those of you who are diligently going after Jesus and the privilege of serving Him, here is a very special reminder. Sometimes you will be called to do some monotonous work that will not make the headlines. It may frustrate you because it doesn’t seem very “impressive.” Consider the reality of all the non-newsy things Jesus did during the majority of His life (30 years), before He began His formal ministry. What more humbling work could Ruth have done than gathering leftover grain for the survival of her mother-in-law and herself? Richard Foster brilliantly penned this thought, “If all of our serving is before others, we will be shallow people indeed.” 4 Jesus spoke clearly about the constant public display of our service. “Everything they do is done for men to see…” (Mt. 23:5 NIV). The next time someone asks you to help out in service that is monotonous and non-newsy, don’t hesitate. The King records such works (see Mt. 25:34-35). Teaching Bible studies, going out on evangelism teams, mission trips, and even prayer groups—all these are priceless opportunities to serve, but they are not the only avenues. Serving in the preschool department at church, going to kids’ camp, and even cooking in the kitchen for a junior high banquet are all honorable services that the Lady of Diligence can embrace with respect.

Chapter 3 Lady of Faith

• A woman who takes the route of Orpah (sensual, logical sight) often invents ways for a “chance rendezvous” with the man of her dreams. You can see her loitering in the very area that Mr. Right regularly frequents, hoping that he might finally notice her and the romance will begin. This sounds more like a Harlequin romance. Such a young woman might sing in the choir, not because she wants to make a joyful noise unto the Lord, but because she wants a weekly chance to sit near the prospect (single man) that her “sensual sight” has focused upon. Such impure motives for such a noble cause! Proverbs 19:14 says, “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” 
  
• If the Lord wants to give you a man, He does not need your clever “chance rendezvous.” This is not advocating that you avoid men completely and expect the Lord to “UPS” His choice to your front door. You need to participate in activities that involve men and women, but be sensitive to your motives whenever you find yourself in the presence of “available men.” Consider this Scripture whenever checking your motives and your pulse! Proverbs 16:2 (NIV) says, “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.”
• The International Children’s Bible describes faith in this way: “Faith means being sure of the things we hope for. And faith means knowing that something is real even if we do not see it” (Heb. 11:1). This childlike expression of such an abstract quality can become a daily reality in the life of the Lady of Faith. Your hope cannot be put in some dreamed-up future. It must be in the God who knows your past, present, and future, and loves you enough to give you the best.
• Are you in what seems like a “no-hope situation”? Maybe you are attending a church that requires you to exercise faith to even open the door and go in, since every man there is either married, engaged, or the age of your baby brother. Instead of becoming fearful during this trying situation, look to the Lord through “eyes of faith.” To do so brings God great pleasure. Hebrews 11:6a says, “And without faith it is impossible to please [totally satisfy] Him….” Your daily use of “eyes of faith” brings Jesus such satisfaction.
• Romans 10:17 says, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.” A Lady of Faith may have to spend dateless weekends in male-saturated churches. She can only be content in this trying situation if she has her “eyes of faith” properly focused on the ultimate relationship— with her heavenly Bridegroom. Datelessness is a common type of debris that irritates the “eyes of faith,” but the eye wash treatment—quality time with Jesus and reading His Word—is always effective.
• God providentially directed Ruth to the field of Boaz. You find this divine encounter in the second chapter of Ruth, verse 3: “…and she happened to come to the portion of the field belonging to Boaz….” The verb happened in Hebrew means “chanced upon.” This leaves no room for manipulation. She had a chance and her chance transported her into the center of God’s will and right to Boaz’s field. Boaz was wealthy and available. Ruth did not “have plans” when she chanced upon his field. Ruth’s “eyes of faith” led her to the exact spot where she would meet her Mr. Right, Boaz, whose name means “pillar of strength.” (Contrast the meaning of his name to that of her first husband, Mahlon, which means “weak and sickly”! God rewarded Ruth’s faith with a husband who was a “pillar of strength.”) 
• If Jesus wants you married, He will orchestrate the encounter. You have nothing to fear except getting in His way and trying to “write the script” rather than following His. Jesus does have your best interest at heart. He desires to bless you by giving you the best. Sometimes what you perceive as the best is nothing more than a generic version. Consider His wisdom and love in comparison to your own wisdom and self-love. In whom are you going to trust—all Wisdom and Everlasting Love or little ol’ finite you? Ever since the Garden of Eden, women have often felt they could and should know as much as God. Much pain in our world has resulted from dependence on our wisdom rather than on our Father’s. 
• Have you hesitated about taking a new job or even going to a foreign mission field because you might miss Mr. Right? Have you passed up opportunities to serve in another Sunday school department because you might miss meeting the man of your dreams? If you are trying to orchestrate the “divine encounter,” you might be setting yourself up for a disappointing crash. Wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, whether divorced, widowed, or single and getting older every day, be assured that God has not lost your address or your file. He knows exactly where you are and what you need. Remember, God has already taken care of your greatest need—your salvation—and as Romans 8:32 reminds us, “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will he not also with Him freely give us all things?”
• Don’t fear or resent the waiting periods in your life. These are the very gardens where the seeds of faith blossom. Whenever circumstances stimulate you to deepen your faith, don’t resist them; instead embrace them willingly. Elisabeth Elliot said in Passion and Purity (a must-read for those who are having an anxiety attack during their extended waiting periods): “I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.” 
• Whenever the “unanswered question” captures your mind, or you are overtaken by the restlessness of singleness, take a moment to commit that care where it belongs. As First Peter 5:7 says, “Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” This intruding anxiety about your lack of a life-mate is not reality, but rather a weakness that the Greater Reality is capable of handling. Just go to Jesus as soon as the intruder arrives. Such a practice will only enhance your life as a Lady of Faith. Many single women have not recognized that the trying, frustrating waiting period is the perfect classroom for the Lady of Faith. Don’t skip class! Embrace those dateless nights and, by faith, rest in His faithfulness.

Chapter 4 Lady of Virtue

• James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
• Then she fell on her face, bowing to the ground and said to him, “Why have I found favor in your sight that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” Boaz replied to her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law after the death of your husband has been fully reported to me, and how you left your father and mother and the land of your birth, and came to a people that you did not previously know” (Ruth 2:10-11).
• Isaiah 55:8 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways….” You may see an ugly shell, but God sees the beauty He is creating in you.
• Proverbs describes how a woman with no character got a man’s attention. Some of the descriptives used for her include the following: smooth tongue, captivating eyes, persuasive and seductive speech, a mouth smoother than oil, and flattering speech (see Prov. 5:3; 6:24-25; 7:21).
• The Word of God very clearly warns women not to fall into “the body beautiful trap.” “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes” (1 Pet. 3:3 NIV). Although braided hair and gold jewelry are not wrong in and of themselves, real beauty is not found on the outside.
• The key to beauty is found in First Peter 3:4 (NIV): “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
• As Jackie once said, “If a man chose me for external beauty, his destiny would be hugging a prune. But, if a man chooses me for my internal beauty, his destiny will be unfading beauty even in the twilight years of marriage, because of Jesus.” and of themselves, real beauty is not found on the outside.
• Remember what King Solomon said in Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) about the external emphasis of charm and glitz? “Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
• Genesis 24:15-16 shows that she was a hard worker with a “jar on her shoulder” serving her dad’s sheep. She also was “a virgin, and no man had had relations with her.” She had not settled for second best in her wait. She had been under her father’s authority and in her father’s home serving his interests. Her respect for others showed in her kindness to a stranger in verse 18: “…‘Drink, my lord’; and she quickly lowered her jar to her hand, and gave him a drink.” This was no slow, lazy woman, but one with the character quality of genuine care for someone in need. She had character like “Ruby” in Proverbs 31:20: “She extends her hand to the poor; and she stretches out her hands to the needy.”
• Rebekah did not stop after one act of kindness either! “…I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking” (Gen. 24:19).
• Look at her diligence in verse 20: “So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, and ran back to the well to draw, and she drew for all his camels.” She was a gracious, giving woman, as Genesis 24:25 says: “Again she said to him, ‘We have plenty of both straw and feed, and room to lodge in.’ ”
• When the servant made his intentions known and wanted her to leave with him in Genesis 24:54-57, Rebekah knew she had been in the Lord’s school of preparation, and she was ready. Her answer was, “I will go” (Gen. 24:58).
• “Isaac…lifted up his eyes…. Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted….Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent…and she became his wife, and he loved her…” (Gen. 24:63-64,67). God rewarded this virtuous woman’s wait with her dream come true. The wait was worth it. Isaac loved the woman who waited for him.
• It is the Holy Spirit, not you, who produces the godly character you seek. These pearls of character are listed in Galatians 5:22-23 as “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, selfcontrol….”
• Galatians 5:19-21, however, describes some “beads” with which many singles choose to adorn their lives instead. They are “…immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these….”
• After specifically describing the bead that detracts from your inner beauty, then receive God’s forgiveness. His Word says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9). You no longer need to feel condemned or guilty because “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Ps. 103:12).
• He provides the needed power to take care of the deeper issues that produce bad beads. Galatians 5:16 speaks of this when it says, “…walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”
• The first, Ephesians 4:30a, says, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God.” You grieve or hurt God’s Spirit when you choose to think, say, or do something that offends God.
• The second verse is found in First Thessalonians 5:19. It says, “Do not quench the Spirit.”  Whatever it is, seek to obey the Spirit of God in you on a moment-by-moment basis.
• Finally, to tap into pearl-producing power, Ephesians 5:18 says, “…be filled with the Spirit.” To be filled, something must first be empty. To be filled by the Spirit you must be empty of yourself and full of God. You give the Holy Spirit complete and total control of your life. When you became a Christian, you received all of the Holy Spirit. To be a virtuous woman, you must let the Holy Spirit have all of you.

Chapter 5 Lady of Devotion

• “Satan’s first attack upon the human race was his sly effort to destroy Eve’s confidence in the kindness of God.”1 Satan lied to Eve about God’s character. “Indeed, has God said…?” (Gen. 3:1) Satan has continued to lie to Eve’s daughters. As a result, fear has often alienated women from the One who loves them as they need to be loved. Deep within a woman’s soul remains the longing for the gentle embrace of the God Who Is, not the god that the enemy has craftily devised.
• Boaz spoke of Ruth’s devotion to God when he said, “May the Lord reward your work, and your wages be full from the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to seek refuge” (Ruth 2:12). Ruth chose to cling to Naomi’s God as her own even though her mother-in-law had drawn a negative, harsh picture of Him. “She said to them, ‘Do not call me Naomi [pleasant]; call me Mara [bitter], for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. …the Lord has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?’ ” (Ruth 1:20-21).
• Deuteronomy 6:5 says that you are to love Him with all your heart (deepest devotion), your soul (what you think and what you feel), and your might (your strength and energy).
• To love Him like this, you must know Him intimately. Paul expressed the desire to “know” God in Philippians 3:10. In Greek, this know means “a knowledge that perfectly united the subject with the object.”3 Paul was desiring to know God intimately.
• Second Peter 1:3 says that everything pertaining to life and godliness is yours “through the true knowledge of Him.”
• Peter and John in Acts 4:13 were identified as uneducated men, but the people observed their confidence and devotion to the Lord and marveled. In the King James Version of Scripture, the people exclaimed that these men “knew” Him, or that “they had been with Jesus.” This “knowing” has the same depth as the term in Genesis 4:1 when Scripture speaks of the intimate relations Eve had when she “knew” or “had been with” her husband. It is a personal, intimate knowledge.
• If you are hoping a man will one day fill your heart’s desire for intimacy, you will be disappointed. God knows your deep longings for intimate love. Only He, the Lover of your soul, can fill this need completely. Your heavenly Father tenderly created you with needs that only God can fully understand and fulfill. As you come to know who He really is, He will meet your needs for love.
• God is not hard to please. He takes delight in His creation and quickly notices every simple effort to please Him (see Ps. 103:11-14).
• God wants to do you good and not evil. Jeremiah 29:11 says He wants to give you a future and a hope. Has your wrong picture of God been invented by the enemy in order to rob you of a true knowledge and love of God?
• God wants to do you good and not evil. Jeremiah 29:11 says He wants to give you a future and a hope. Has your wrong picture of God been invented by the enemy in order to rob you of a true knowledge and love of God?
• Jeremiah 29:12-13 promises that a woman who diligently seeks God with all her heart will find Him.
• Sin is far more repulsive to God than even onion breath is to a sweetheart. If you want your devotion to God to be complete, don’t merely brush at sin lightly. Get in there and confess it, clean it up, and clear it out. Be rid of it. If you notice you have spiritual halitosis during the day, take care of it immediately. Let Psalm 51:10 be your prayer: “Create in me a clean heart, O God….”
• To find God you must seek Him with a whole heart, a pure heart, a clean heart, and a listening heart. Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) says that He “rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”
• The Word of God illustrates the advantageous position of the single woman in relation to the affairs of life. “…An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband” (1 Cor. 7:34 NIV)

Chapter 6 Lady of Purify

• Ruth 3:7 says, “When Boaz had eaten and drunk and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain; and she came secretly, and uncovered his feet and lay down.” At a glance, you may read this and picture the beginnings of an X-rated scene in Ruth’s story. But you must realize that Ruth was acting according to the customs of the time. She was not slinking into Boaz’s bed to seduce him. In obedience to her mother-in-law’s instructions, Ruth quietly lay at his feet for him to notice her, thus symbolizing her subjection to Boaz as her nearest of kin.
• God desires for your precious gift to be given to a committed lover who will cherish, keep, and protect you in marriage. God wants you and your gift to this man to be treasured and cherished, and trampled and conquered. Song of Solomon 8:4 (NIV) says, “…Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” God wants to protect you from losing your virginity.
• God desires to shield you from the negative physical consequences of premarital sex. He wants to protect you from sinning against your body. First Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a [woman] commits are outside [her] body, but [she] who sins sexually sins against [her] own body.” “He wants you to be free from an addiction to premarital sex. Passionate physical exchange is a short-lived high. As with drugs, you keep wanting more intense highs.”`
• Passion makes it difficult to see that God also set physical limits to protect you spiritually. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) very clearly says that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” God judges the sin of immorality. It feels awful to be separated from your Lord by the guilt of sin.
• How then does a Lady in Waiting guard her purity? Once a man has a woman’s heart, her body is not far behind. That is one reason Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” To walk in purity, a Lady in Waiting must first guard the key to her heart. This does not imply that your relationships with men are robotic and free from feelings. It means that you focus on growing in friendship, not romance.
• God is the God who forgives and forgets. Jeremiah 31:34 says, “…for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” One of God’s greatest abilities is that He forgets the sins of those who belong to Christ Jesus, “I, even I, am the One who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins” (Is. 43:25). Let this be your motto: “…but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind [as God does] and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14).
• Even though you have been freed from the guilt by confession, do not use it as an opportunity to continue in sin or to leave yourself open to temptation. Continue to choose freedom over sin’s mastery. Lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles you and run with endurance the race set before you (see Heb. 12:1). How? Fix your eyes on Jesus (not on your sin, the past, or even yourself). Jesus is the Author and Perfecter of your faith (see Heb. 12:2).

Chapter 7 Lady of Security

• “May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich. Now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence” (Ruth 3:10-11).
• No man, not even a husband, can fill the need you have for secure love. Only Jesus who “is the same yesterday and today, and forever,” will never disappoint or fail you (Heb. 13:8).
• “There is one thing you can do: turn the whole business over to God. If he’s the man God has for you, ‘No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Ps. 84:11). Direct your energies to obedience, not to nailing the man. God has His own methods of getting the two of you together. He doesn’t need any help or advice from you.”
• “I feel as though I really care for Bill in a deep way. You know what is best for me, Father. I have given my heart to You and my emotions, too. I will wait for a clearer indication that he is my knight in shining armor, than just how I feel. You will not allow my heart to be broken again if I leave it with You. I trust You to keep me calm and waiting on Your best timing.” A formula she wrote in her prayer journal to help her keep perspective was this: With Jesus first and my boyfriend second, I will have lasting peace and security.
• To build security into your life, spend time in God’s Word. Proverbs 1:33 says to listen to God and live securely. As you do, you will find out what God is really like—what His character is—not just what you think or have heard He is like. You will be surprised at how differently He sees you than what you have thought. Read through the Psalms and write down the many promises. He has made to you if you are a believer. Psalm 16:11 (KJV) says, “Thou wilt show me the path of life [married or not]; in Thy presence is fulness of joy [His presence, not marriage, brings joy]; in Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” (What more could a girl ask for?) 
• By spending time in God’s Word, you will also learn what God thinks of you. In First Peter 2:4, God says you are choice and precious to Him. He calls you precious, honored, loved, and His redeemed one in Isaiah 43:1-6. Isaiah 43:7 says you were created for His glory. You are very special to God—so special that He has plans for you: “plans for [your] welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29:11b). 
• The New Testament is also full of God’s thoughts of you. You are accepted (Rom. 15:7); you are not condemned (Rom. 8:1); and you are His child (Jn. 1:12). (By the way, the female child of a King is a princess. Act like the valuable princess you are, and plan to be treated as royalty.) You also are the temple of God (1 Cor. 3:17). He is your adequacy (2 Cor. 3:5) and He leads you in His triumph (2 Cor. 2:14). His love letter to you, the Bible, is full of all the wonderful things He says about you.
• Do not allow insecurity to motivate you to maneuver or manipulate your relationships. Instead of hunting for a husband or boyfriend, concentrate on becoming a woman of excellence (Ruth 3:11). As a Lady of Security, wait for your heavenly Father to bring about His perfect plans for you.

Chapter 8 Lady of Contentment

• Naomi's response to Boaz’s willingness may have put a damper on most single women’s racing heartbeat. “Then Naomi said, ‘Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today’” (Ruth 3:18 NIV). Who has to wait? The woman must wait. Who is the one who will not rest? The man, Boaz, will not rest.
• Why some males are unaware of their capacity to defraud is still a mystery. “And that no man transgress and defraud his brother [sister] in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things…” (1 Thess. 4:6). To defraud is to excite physical or emotional desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled. Since many men do not realize how their actions defraud their sisters in Christ, single women need to be aware of common situations where a guy might lead a woman on. When aware of such techniques, a single woman can avoid unnecessary heartbreak and more effectively keep a rein on her emotions.
• Often a single woman’s struggle with contentment can be traced back to her fantasies more than to her frustrating circumstances. Just think for a moment about three words from Second Corinthians 10:5 (KJV): “Casting down imaginations.” Fantasizing about a future with a guy you have been watching in Sunday school or at work is nothing more than your very active imagination. What should you do when you start daydreaming about a guy you’ve never dated or even formally met? You must take your thoughts to Jesus and leave them in His capable hands. This daily discipline of taking your fantasies to Jesus is the foundation for your future as a contented woman, whether you are married or single. Right now they are just prenuptial fantasies, but when you are married, those fantasies about other men could continue.
• How can you begin to be a spiritual monitor? The next time a friend is bubbling over with joy after a date with a wonderful guy, pray for your capacity to share her joy; then pray for the courage to speak the truth about surrendering her dreams to the Lord and not running ahead of Him in her expectations. The spiritual monitor knows the importance of surrendering her own expectations to the only One who can be trusted with her desires and dreams. She can encourage others to surrender their own prenuptial fantasies in exchange for the truth in Psalm 62:5 (KJV): “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.”
• Paul the apostle, while living in a dark, damp dungeon, wrote of the mystery of contentment that does not depend on circumstances. He described the secret as a “learning process” to which he willingly submitted rather that resisting the conditions. Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Phil. 4:11-13).
• Learning contentment will require complete dependence upon Jesus, for difficult circumstances without the strength of Jesus can rob you of potential contentment. Do not be deceived into thinking you do not need Jesus’ strength to face the good circumstances as well as the bad. When the sun is shining with no clouds in sight, you may assume that you can securely bask in the sunshine without any prospect of rain; however, this full feeling can easily breed a tendency to ignore Jesus. “Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’” (Prov. 30:9a NIV)
• Your lack of contentment is because of pride. Pride can be described as an excessively high opinion of what one deserves. When a single’s life is not moving in the direction she wants (husband, career, children, house, etc.) the arguing often begins. With whom is the single woman arguing? It is none other than the umpire, the arbitrator: Jesus. “Let the peace of Christ rule [arbitrate, umpire] in your hearts…” (Col. 3:15).
• The trouble from the beginning was a woman not listening to the Umpire, but reaching out for a life on “her terms.” Why would a woman argue with such an all-wise Umpire? “Pride only breeds quarrels” (Prov. 13:10a NIV).
• What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it…” (Jas. 4:1-2 NIV). Honestly face any struggle you may have with your pridedriven desire to have life on your terms. Exchange your pride for Jesus’ strength so you may accept whatever assignment the Umpire has for you from this moment forward.
• My soul finds rest in God alone… (Ps. 62:1 NIV).

Chapter 9 Lady of Conviction

• Ruth did not allow the past influences of a heathen culture to keep her from setting new standards and making wise choices for her life that would honor God. Ruth could have allowed herself to remain within a destructive family cycle that moved against God’s standards. She could have given up on a godly life style by assuming she was doomed as “damaged goods.” But she didn’t. She chose, instead, to break her family’s sin cycle and establish a new godly cycle.
• As I continued to make choices to break the ungodly influences of my past, the Lord was working on bringing Ken and me together as a team for His glory. Like David I thought, ‘Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?’ (2 Sam. 7:18b NIV)” Ungodly cycles can be broken. Your destiny is not something that is left to chance or fate; it is the product of wise choices.
• Ruth lived in an era that was exactly like modern America. Judges 21:25 describes the era in which she lived: “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” We too live in a culture where it seems that no one fears God and people just “do their own thing.” You, like Ruth, will be greatly affected by your choices.
• From the beginning of time, God has shown His own people exactly what course they should take to avoid needless tragedy. A passage of Scripture that clearly states the reality of our own choices of happiness or misery is Deuteronomy 30:15-20. Remember that the media, music, literature, teachers, and peers often oppose the godly choices that you might want to make.
• conviction is a standard that serves as a springboard for your choices. Consider where your standards, in the area of relating and dating, originated.
• The Lady of Conviction gives the Lord permission to renew her mind on a daily basis. She spends time searching the Word of God for standards that will guide her safely to God’s best. She has made a significant choice as a godly woman. She has surrendered her mind to a new persuasion: God’s perspective on love and romance. The convictions that she establishes, based on the Word, allow her to resist being squeezed into the mold of this world. She is a non-conformist in a biblical sense, as in Romans 12:2 (NIV) which says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Notice the words test and approve; your convictions (whether Hollywood-based or Bible-based) gauge your ability to “test and approve” the relationships you’ve had or will have.
• James 4:4-5 (Phillips) says, “You are like unfaithful wives, never realizing that to be the world’s lover means becoming the enemy of God! Anyone who chooses to be the world’s friend is thereby making himself God’s enemy. Or do you think what the scriptures have to say about this is a mere formality?” When you pass up dates with certain guys because you know they do not measure up to God’s standards, then you have taken seriously your commitment not to oppose God.
• What is a Bozo? A Bozo is a guy whose outward appearance is a façade. It is hard to discern who he really is because of the “makeup and costume” he wears. What he appears to be physically, socially, and even spiritually is just a performance. A Bozo is a counterfeit of a Boaz. It is possible to avoid such a clown. Your standards and convictions will help you recognize the difference. The remainder of this chapter will accentuate the genuine Boaz. Concentrating on the real thing will make the Bozos more apparent.
• One Auburn University graduate left school with not only a diploma but also a very specific list of the qualities she was looking for a future mate. See if her list contains any of the qualities you are looking for in Mr. Right:
• Spirit-controlled Christian (Eph. 5:18).
• Jesus is #1 in his life, not just an ornament (Mk. 12:30).
• Broken; understands how to rely totally upon Jesus (Phil. 4:13).
• Ministry-minded; wherever he is, he is available (1 Cor. 4:2 NIV).
• Motivator; man of vision, concerned about lost souls (Rom. 10:14).
• Sensitive spirit; in tune to the needs of others (Gal. 6:2).
• Understands the awesome responsibility of a husband to his wife (Eph. 5:25-31).
• Humble enough to be a disciple (teachable) and able to disciple others (Mt. 28:19-20).
• Man of prayer; he knows the key to success is his private time with God (Col. 4:2).
• Family man; he desires to have children and raise them properly for God’s glory (Prov. 22:6).
• The Word of God speaks clearly about a partnership with an unbeliever. A common verse used for this conviction is Second Corinthians 6:14-17, but you find a more poignant message for the one who wavers in this convictions in Joshua. But if you turn away and ally yourselves with the survivors of these nations that remain among you and if you intermarry with them and associate with them, then you may be sure that the Lord your God will no longer drive out these nations before you. Instead, they will become snares and traps for you, whips on your backs and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land, which the Lord your God has given you (Joshua 23:12-13 NIV). One would be foolish to disobey God in the area of marrying an unbeliever.
• You must set a higher standard and resist dating a guy who is not growing in his intimacy with Christ.
• “Psalm 73:25: “Whom have I in heaven but You [the Lord]? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.” Do such spiritual men exist? Yes, but they are exceptions and not the rule. Their appearance requires waiting on the part of the recipient.
• Before considering the specific qualities found in a Boaz, one should deal with certain physical stereotypes. The Lord will probably not require you to date a guy who repulses you physically. But you need to be open to guys who do not fit your desired stereotype. Too often a guy may satisfy your eyesight, but leave your heart empty and still longing.
• You want to marry someone for the qualities he possesses now, not for the qualities you hope he will develop. The most common mistake made by marriage partners is marrying someone they intend to change. Since it is nearly impossible to change a person, you will want to set standards of dating, or of building friendships, with men who are characterized by the qualities below.
• Puts the needs of others ahead of his own. This man accepts people just the way they are, loving others even when his love is not returned. He will continue to love someone because of his commitment to that person, not because of how he feels. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4).
• Rejoices in his relationship with Christ. You don’t have to ask this man if he is a Christian. His joy in the Lord is evident in his life. These things I have spoken to you, so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full (John 15:11).
• Maintains proper relationships. This man seeks a good relationship with everyone—from his friends to his parents. He listens to differing perspectives without feeling threatened. He has the strength to back off from a fight. He works to forgive wrongs done to him and seeks to make his own offenses right. He will not hold a grudge. Pursue peace with all men… (Hebrews 12:14).
• Refuses to jump ahead of God’s timing. He is not so eager to be something, do something, or have something that he cannot wait on God’s timing. He chooses against impulsiveness so he may be in the exact center of God’s will. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him… (Psalm 37:7).
• Seeks to meet the practical needs of others. He is not so self-absorbed that he cannot make time for the needy. He is interested in the welfare of others and is willing to give his time, money, and energy for their benefit. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted… (Ephesians 4:32).
• Stands for what is right. He hates anything contrary to God’s holy character. He is known as a man of integrity by those with whom he works. There will be…glory and honor and peace to everyone who does good… (Romans 2:9-10).
• Follows through on his God-given responsibilities. He uses the talents God has given him and realizes that “he + Jesus = adequacy for any Godgiven job.” He is neither overconfident nor absorbed with feelings of inferiority. He is not a dreamer, wishing for more ability, but a diligent steward of the talents he has been given. This man is dependable and stays with even a difficult task until it is completed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2 NIV).
• Understands the importance of feelings and emotions. Some women may find themselves attracted to a demanding man, assuming that his dominance will be their security. Other women may marry a doormat they can dominate, but inevitably end up despising the man’s weakness. A gentle man is the best of both; he takes the initiative to lead but tempers it with gentle responses toward the other’s feelings. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:12).
• Flees temptations to compromise. This man refuses to be in situations that are sensual, immoral, or impure. He does not entertain friendships that lead to drunkenness or carousing. He avoids talk that could cause strife or jealousy. This man does not allow a temper to control him or anger to destroy him. Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit (Proverbs 25:28).
• These qualities are not unrealistic ideals. When a man follows Jesus, the Holy Spirit works these into his life. In fact, you can read this list again and match the fruit of the Spirit with the appropriate characteristic. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Gal. 5:22-23).
• None of the men you date will have all these qualities perfected. All of us are at differing levels of maturity. A man of God is one who works toward being conformed to the character of Christ. But be careful when a quality of God’s Spirit is completely missing in a man’s life and he is unwilling to deal with it before marriage. Realize that if character is absent before the wedding ceremony, it will be missing after the wedding ceremony and cause considerable problems during marriage.
• To be married to a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him is one of life’s highest privileges. It is worth whatever wait, whatever cost. Nail down your convictions and refuse to compromise by dating men who are not controlled by God’s Holy Spirit. These standards will stand guard over the castle of your heart. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Chapter 10 Lady of Patience

• Ruth was a wonderful example of a Lady of Patience. Ruth did not allow her circumstances or lack of male companionship to cause her to be impatient. Instead she concentrated on developing companionship with her heavenly Father and chose to let Him bring a husband to her if He saw fit. Concern over the ticking of her “biological clock” did not make her fearful of the future. Instead she concentrated on being a lady of character, not on getting a man. She took one day at a time, knowing that God was not bound by circumstances nor her age. She used the wait to become the woman God wanted her to be. At the end of this personal preparation God chose to provide her with a husband. In Ruth 4:13, we see the end to their love story. “So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife….”
• Impatience to find a man can cause a woman to argue about her “right” to date a man who is not godly, maybe not even a Christian. In Joshua 23:12-14 the Lord warns His people not to marry unbelievers. God knows that an ungodly husband will end up being “snares and traps for you, whips on your backs and thorns in your eyes…” (Josh. 23:13 NIV). Many young women argue that they are just dating, not marrying an unbeliever. But think about this—in our society, does anyone ever marry someone he or she never dated? Every date is a potential mate.
• Be careful when you begin to think that you are “in love” and you “just can’t live without him.” Think again. Think of the loneliness you will feel when your husband will not attend church with you. Think of the angry bickering that may take place between the two of you because he can never understand the depths of your spiritual awareness and, consequently, your convictions. If you do not think about this now, you may one day think, “Before, I couldn’t live without him; now I can hardly live with him.” Second Corinthians 6:14-15 is very clear: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?”
• Please consider a greater consequence than being unhappily married to a man who does not know your Lord. Will you be able to handle the pain of watching your children live with possible rejection by their father, day in and day out? Will you think it is worth the cost when you are the only one who gets up on Sunday mornings to take your dear children to church? Will it be worth the compromise when your children look up at you and ask why daddy doesn’t love Jesus? They could even reject the Lord for eternity and live a miserable, ill-chosen life style because of the choice you made to marry a wonderful, but lost, man. Children will often follow their father’s example—good or bad. Exodus 34:7 gives a warning you cannot ignore: “…He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.” You are not just marrying a husband, but choosing a father for your children.
• When you marry, you do not choose blessings or curses for you alone; you choose for the generations after you. If you choose to wait patiently for your knight in shining armor, you will be blessed by the heritage that a prince brings. If you choose to run eagerly ahead of God’s plan and marry a man with no conscience toward God, you will reap the life’s course he follows, but not alone. Your children’s and grandchildren’s lives will be directly affected by the man you marry.
• Consider the following Scriptures:
• All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you will obey the Lord your God (Deuteronomy 28:2).
• But it shall come about, if you do not obey the Lord your God…all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you (Deuteronomy 28:15).
• God warned His people in Deuteronomy of the long-term effect of their choices. Today other countries may not take our children, but there are many bondages in our wicked generation that could hold them.
• Your sons and your daughters shall be given to another people, while your eyes look on and yearn for them continually; but there will be nothing you can do (Deuteronomy 28:32).
• Have you seen the yearning eyes of a mother as she sees her son on drugs or her daughter living on the streets? There is nothing she can do but look on in pain.
• Deuteronomy 28:2, 15, and 32 show that God has always desired to bless His people, but He will not force them to do what is best. In His Word He has often warned us to wait, to be careful, and to trust Him. He will not make us wait. His heart of love begs us to listen and obey so He may bless us and the dear ones who will one day look to and follow us. The words He gave to the children of Israel in Deuteronomy 30:15-20 show the love and concern He has for the choices you make.
• You must choose to wait patiently for God’s best. If you have seen patterns in your life that show a lack of patience, commit yourself right now to waiting for God’s best.
• You may pray something like this:
• Lord, You are my sovereign God. You know all about me and love me more than anyone else ever could. You know how I feel, what I need, and what my future is. I confess that I have taken matters into my own hands. I confess to being afraid of totally trusting You. Today I commit myself to focus on You and Your love for me. Today I commit to look to You for my future—not to my outward circumstances. Thank You for knowing how weak I feel, but being strong for me and in me. I love You. I choose to trust You.
• Psalm 103:13-14 assures us that He understands and has compassion on us: Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust (Psalm 103:13-14).
• “Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness” (Ps. 37:3b).
• As she began to dwell upon the positive things the Lord said about her in His Word, like “The King’s daughter is all glorious within” (Ps. 45:13a), she was able to reject negative, condemning thoughts and feelings, and choose to be the woman He wanted her to be as a single. Little did she know that God needed those days to perfect her Boaz. We, as women, are not the only ones who need the days of waiting in order to be perfected for a future life-mate. Her knight had not been a Christian long and in his spiritual immaturity would not have been a proper spiritual leader. He needed time to be founded in the Word and to experience complete freedom over the sins of his past. When the two of them were finally introduced, she understood why she had to wait. While she cultivated faithfulness before God, her knight had been slaying a few dragons and shining his armor. God did not leave her waiting any longer than necessary. She desired a knight, but patiently waited on God’s timing. The two of them now glorify God in a ministry to drug and alcohol abusers.
• Wait patiently. Perhaps you are giving God time to prepare, not yourself, but your beloved. Let your heavenly Father accomplish His work thoroughly while your single man is undistracted. Issues settled in a person’s life while single limit unnecessary stress and difficulty later in a marriage. Psalm 37:7 says, “Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him….” Wait not for a man or a preconceived perfect future, but for Him.
• You don’t know what tomorrow holds, but you do know who holds tomorrow. Say this with the psalmist: O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. O [substitute your name], hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever (Psalm 131).
• Every single woman must at some point come to grips with the fact that not all women will marry. Marriage is not a need, though God chooses to let marriage meet some needs a woman may have. Marriage is not a right, though God chooses to plan marriage for the majority of women. Marriage does not complete a person, though women who properly marry find that marriage rounds out some of their weaknesses. If marriage were a need, right, or completion for women, then all godly women would marry. There are many examples of true, God-honoring women who had no earthly mate but were still Ladies of Patience.
• Regardless of what you see or what you feel, God is in full control of your situation. You, Lady in Waiting, can walk in victory by choosing to be patient in your wait. Don’t let your impatient longings rob you of the life God wants to bless you with as a single. Realize you do not need marriage for happiness or a full life. If you are holding onto marriage as a right, relinquish this right so it will not keep you from God’s fullest blessings. God knows what is best for you. His timing is perfect and He will take care of His Lady of Patience.

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